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Anna Keyter wrote this article on how to stop overthinking. Photograph by Cottonbro Studio
Ever notice how hard we work to avoid feeling anxious, self-critical, or uncertain—and somehow end up even more stuck? Many of us treat difficult thoughts and emotions as problems that must be solved or eliminated before we can get on with life. Yet the more we struggle against them, the tighter their grip becomes. There is another way. It is called psychological flexibility, and it is one of the most practical skills we can develop for living well.
Psychological flexibility is the ability to stay present with whatever shows up inside us — the comfortable feelings and the uncomfortable ones — while still choosing actions that move us toward what matters. It does not mean liking every thought or sensation. It means making room for them so they no longer dictate our choices. Instead of waiting until we feel better, we learn to carry our internal experiences with us and still take meaningful steps forward.
How to Stop Overthinking by Opening Up
A simple way to understand this skill is through three overlapping capacities: open, aware, and engaged.
“Open” means allowing thoughts and feelings to be present without immediately fighting, fixing, or pushing them away. When anxiety arises before a difficult conversation, the open response is not “I shouldn’t feel this.” It is closer to “Anxiety is here right now, and I can make space for it.” This stance reduces the extra layer of struggle that often amplifies distress.
Becoming Aware
Awareness is the ability to notice what is happening in the moment — in the mind, the body, and the surrounding environment — without becoming completely fused with the stories our minds tell. Awareness creates a little distance. Instead of being the anxious thought, we notice that a thought is occurring. That small shift is often enough to restore choice.
Engaged is the willingness to act in line with our values even when discomfort is present. Values are the qualities of action we care about—being honest, caring, creative, reliable, or connected. Engagement means letting those values guide behaviour rather than waiting for perfect emotional conditions.
How to Stop Overthinking and Still Take Action
Consider a common situation. You need to speak up in a meeting or send an important message. Your mind immediately offers predictions of failure or judgment. The rigid response is to argue with the thought, try to suppress the nervousness, or avoid the situation entirely. The flexible response is different: notice the thought and the accompanying bodily tension, acknowledge their presence without needing them to disappear, and still take the action because speaking up or contributing matters to you. You do not have to feel confident first. You can feel uncertain and still move.
A brief practice can help build this capacity. Pause for a moment. Take a slow breath. Notice one thought or feeling that is present. Silently say to yourself, “I notice this is here… and I can still choose what I do next.” That short sequence is a moment of psychological flexibility. Repeated often, these small moments accumulate into greater freedom.
Psychological flexibility does not eliminate pain or guarantee success. What it offers is a more workable relationship with the full range of human experience. By opening to what is here, staying aware, and engaging with what matters, we create more room to live according to our own values rather than according to the temporary weather of our thoughts and feelings. Even one deliberate practice of this skill today is a meaningful start.
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