An article by Sara Taveira, online psychotherapist | Photo by Cottonbro Studio

As Esther Perel, one of the world’s leading psychologists in couples counselling, explains, the quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships. Relationships are among the most profound aspects of human life, yet they are inherently complex. Many couples seeking online therapy display deep love and commitment, but often find themselves trapped in patterns of misunderstanding, emotional distance, or recurring conflict.

At Best Online Therapy, our dedicated team offers a powerful and innovative approach to overcoming these challenges through Intimacy From the Inside Out (IFIO) Therapy — a form of online couples counselling designed to transform your relationship from the inside out.

This approach goes beyond traditional techniques, providing a comprehensive reset of how you perceive and experience your relationship.

What is IFIO?

Developed by Toni Herbine-Blank, IFIO (Intimacy From the Inside Out) extends the principles of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, originally pioneered by Dr Richard Schwartz. While IFS was initially created for individual psychotherapy, IFIO adapts its core concepts for relational work, making it highly effective for couples’ online therapy (Herbine-Blank & Sweezy, 2021).

The core belief of IFIO is that each person carries within them multiple “parts” or sub-personalities — including protective, vulnerable, and reactive aspects — that influence behaviour and emotional responses (Schwartz, 1995). When partners interact, these parts surface, especially in moments of stress or conflict. Follow this link to see how it is different or similar to Internal Family Systems Therapy.

Examples include:

• Do you withdraw or become defensive towards your partner? In IFIO, this is seen as a protective part acting to shield you from perceived criticism.
• Do you find yourself overly clingy, needing reassurance? This may be a vulnerable part that fears rejection.
• Do you often become critical, angry, or shout at your partner? In IFIO, that might be a critical part expressing underlying insecurities.

IFIO helps couples recognise these parts with compassion, fostering more authentic and less reactive communication (Anderson, 2013).

Key Principles of IFIO in Couples Counselling

1. Witnessing and Compassion
Couples are guided to observe each other’s internal experiences without judgment. This cultivates empathy and reduces defensive cycles (Herbine-Blank, 2015).

2. Interrupting Reactive Patterns
Instead of blame or withdrawal, IFIO offers tools to pause and identify which part is activated, encouraging curiosity rather than hostility (Gantt & Tinnin, 2007).

3. Self-Leadership in Relationships
In IFS, the “Self” embodies qualities like curiosity, calmness, clarity, and compassion. IFIO teaches that genuine intimacy is only possible when partners communicate from this Self-led state (Schwartz, 2013).

4. Repair and Reconnection
By understanding and validating each other’s internal worlds, couples can repair ruptures and rebuild trust, even after serious challenges such as betrayal (Ray, 2025).

Benefits of IFIO for Couples

• Achieve deeper emotional intimacy through vulnerability and honesty.
• Resolve conflicts with compassion instead of defensiveness.
• Build resilience after ruptures, including experiences of betrayal or loss of trust.
• Foster personal growth by learning to relate kindly to one’s inner parts, enriching the relationship naturally (Sweezy & Ziskind, 2017).

Research indicates that IFIO, grounded in IFS, can greatly enhance relationship satisfaction and emotional resilience (Herbine-Blank & Sweezy, 2021; Ray, 2025).

Why Choose IFIO When Seeking Your Best Online Therapy Experience?

Whether navigating everyday disagreements or rebuilding after profound ruptures, IFIO offers hope: the real possibility of reconnecting — not by bypassing individual challenges, but by facing them together with courage. Instead of quick fixes, it equips couples with tools to develop enduring intimacy through self-awareness and compassion.

In today’s fast-paced UK society, where external pressures strain relationships, Best Online Therapy’s approach provides a structured yet profoundly human way to foster healing and connection. By honouring the complexity of our inner worlds and cultivating self-led connection, couples can turn conflict into closeness, fear into trust, and distance into true intimacy.

If you want to learn more about online services for couples counselling, follow this link or complete the form below:

References

• Anderson, F. (2013). Transcending trauma: Internal Family Systems therapy and the therapeutic relationship. Journal of Psychotherapy Integration, 23(2), 167–178.
• Gantt, S., & Tinnin, L. W. (2007). Support for the use of Internal Family Systems therapy in trauma treatment. Journal of Traumatic Stress, 20(4), 607–612.
• Herbine-Blank, T. (2015). The use of self in couple therapy: Intimacy From the Inside Out. The Family Journal, 23(2), 118–125.
• Herbine-Blank, T., & Sweezy, M. (2021). Internal Family Systems: Couple Therapy Skills Manual: Healing Relationships with Intimacy from the Inside Out. PESI Publishing.
• Ray, S. (2025). Efficacy of IFS and IFIO in treating and repairing relationship ruptures after infidelity. Presented at Seattle Pacific University Research Conference.
• Schwartz, R. C. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. Guilford Press.
• Schwartz, R. C. (2013). Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model. Trailheads Publications.
• Sweezy, M., & Ziskind, E. L. (2017). Innovations and elaborations in Internal Family Systems therapy. Routledge.